Many years ago, I read a comment by Dr Phil that “if your job is making you fat, quit your job”.

I remember, at the time, thinking what a bizarre idea this is.

How dramatically over-simplified, and so very, very privileged.

But more importantly, how alarming it would be to decide that ones’ weight challenges are a function solely of environment, and not of the problematic use of food and eating.

I accept the challenges inherent to being employed in an ice cream shop, or sweet factory. And I am first to suggest to people that they not torment themselves with a pantry full of Tim Tams and cream buns (I’ve even written on similar issues previously).

But anyone who’s ever struggled with food and eating knows that it’s just not that simple.

I could say that my job as a psychologist made me fat, historically.

It involves a lot of sitting. Still.

I may have over-eaten or made poor eating choices to de-stress and ‘take the edge off’ a harrowing day. Much like others would use a glass of wine or a cigarette or a joint.

I could argue that back-to-back sessions prohibit intuitive eating and attending to hunger cues.

And that relatively constant exposure to existential angst, trauma and high-conflict situations creates an emotional build-up that begs for release and relief.

And so, I could decide that the work I have loved since my youth made me fat.

This would be absolute bullshit.

And so very dangerous and disempowering.

THE WAY WE DO ONE THING IS THE WAY WE DO EVERYTHING.

Some say that “the way we do one thing is the way we do everything”. If this is true, then altering a circumstance and not dealing with the underlying dysfunction is futile. The problem will just manifest elsewhere. In the next job. The next relationship. And the next time there are Tim Tams, cream buns, and ice cream in one’s orbit.

Because stress, food, thoughts, and feelings will always exist.

The answer, in such an instance, is not to alter the circumstance, but to make it one’s life work, for probably 18 months to 2 years, to recover from self-medicating with food.

Recovery is different to a diet and weight loss, the same way as the 12 Step Program in AA is different to just getting off the booze.

It’s a mental, psychological, and soulful journey. Doing the one without the other is mostly doomed to fail.

THE ANSWER:

The mechanism for sustainable recovery is immersion in a program that teaches thought work, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. 

Immersion.

Not once-and-done.

Not a tick-box exercise.

Not 6 sessions with a generalist therapist, or the occasional scribble in a journal.

Not keto "from Monday". Or sugar-free.

Many clients who use my “Bariatric Mind Masters” program surprise me with their level of engagement, and just how often and readily they return to the material. They tell me how they double back to meaningful modules. How they have it on repeat in their cars, and in their ear-pods when exercising. Even years after first enrolling.

Eating, different to most behaviours of abuse, is tricky because it’s essential, no matter how problematic it can be.

And so, immersion in tools, skills and daily change is a must.

Have weight loss surgery, or don’t.

Take the sexy new meds, or don’t.

Join Slimming World or Weight Watchers or get a personal trainer, or don’t.

Nothing matters if you don’t place yourself in active, daily, present, mindful tools-and-skills based recovery.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:

Let me not lie: I’ve been doing this for nearly 5 years, very consistently. I was horrified, 8-month post-VSG, to find myself hungry, craving and compulsive. And faced with regain-or-recovery, I chose the latter, but accepted that it would be a new lifestyle, for life.

I wake before the sparrows.

I journal honestly, read, set goals and intentions, listen to podcasts, and plan my day, eating-and-otherwise.

I tap (EFT) sometimes. I meditate.

I exercise. And I decided to love exercising.

I speak kindly to myself, and I am proud of how I have figured out such a big challenge I was beset with.

And then I’m careful all day to catch faulty thinking, to speak gently to myself, to challenge and reframe complexities in work and relationships.

And I chug water, take vitamins and track movement, protein, vegetables, calories, and sleep.

I’m in weekly long-term therapy and use a life coach intermittently.

It’s a full-time job, and it has made all the difference.

Does my job make me struggle with eating? No.

Does my relationship make me struggle with eating? No.

Do my home / circumstance / stress / kids make me struggle with eating? No.

The only things that can really make a person struggle with eating is when that person has learnt, consciously and unconsciously, to use food for purposes other than fuel and appropriate enjoyment, and has unconsidered automatic habits that result in over-consumption.

The solution is mindful, intentional healing of our relationship with food and with eating. And unbundling life challenges and our instinct to anaesthetise them with food.

Then we can tackle these challenges head on. And leave food for sustenance and fun.

This happens moment by moment, when infused with tools, skills, and strategies to cope with life on life’s terms.