The Binge

I ate badly for a short while last night. I won’t lie: it was a micro binge. And “micro” only because full-scale mayhem isn’t possible with a sleeve. In one short sitting, I had a Bar One, a box of Astros, the better part of a packet of chocolate-covered raisins, and a cupcake.

And then I put myself unceremoniously to bed!

The Morning After

With the wisdom of experience, I was extremely deliberate and intentional about how I dealt with myself today. Because it’s the morning-after-the-night-before that is critical in terms of whether a moment like that is wholly derailing, and becomes a pattern, or just a minor blip on the radar.

I choose the latter.

This overeat was ironic, as I’d spent the morning, yesterday, planning my goals for the next week and next month. And I’ve also been very frank with myself, in an ultra-liberating way, that the only problem I have with eating (and therefore weight), now, is that I’m eating too much food. Simple as that.

Too Much Food!

For some reason, this year, I’ve been eating a bit like my former self, and not for the size body I live in now and want to keep living in. I can torment myself with a myriad of thoughts and self-diagnoses to make my situation more complex, irreconcilable, and dire. Or I can simply deduce that I am currently eating too much food.

And to achieve my goals, I need to eat less food.

(It has not always felt this simple, and I hold space for any reader who has a negative reaction to me saying this, because before it’s this simple, it’s a lot more complicated. I know. This is the power of self-work).

I use MyFitnessPal religiously, and I’m aware of how the daily calorie count has crept up and up since my hospitalisation late last year.  I’d been managing myself with Qysmia – a combination of Phentermine and Topiramate often prescribed to post-surgery bariatric patients. But, despite my doctors being doubtful of this, I worry that this medication contributed to (but obviously didn’t cause) my small bowel obstruction in November. So, I choose not to take it, nor any chronic medication at all. I have thus resolved that “Bariatric Mind Mastery is my pharmacy”, and I simply must work harder with mental and emotional tools and skills, having lost one weapon in my maintenance artillery.

Overcoming Head Hunger – Bite-Size Chunks of Life

It’s nearing day-end, and I’m proud of myself for how I’ve overcome yesterday’s eating glitch. I slept extremely well; nearly 8 hours. I woke and journalled with my morning coffee, resolving that a ‘binge’ can mean as little or as much as I choose it to. If I imbue it with too much power, and the resultant self-doubt and self-loathing, then it’s a long way home. Whereas if I simply KEEP GOING, from sunrise, I empower myself and disempower that moment.

Nurse a Harder Day in Bite-Size Chunks (of Time!)

Years ago, I wrote an article that proved popular, called “HEAD HUNGER: THE ANSWER”. In it, I speak about distracting oneself from urges to eat by engaging in short-ish non-eating-related tasks and activities. And this is how I stepped out today. I went shopping with my girls. One hour of happy quality time with them. No eating. I am re-reading a wonderful book and decided to give myself to that for 45 minutes. No eating. My eldest child adores the card game, UNO, and so I set my timer for 30 minutes and we had a good few rounds.  No eating. I like playing online slots (teeny tiny amounts ), and I limited that to 30 minutes. I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. My husband and I then did some business strategy work, watched the Olympics and ate lunch. The lunch was super yummy, and my brain immediately asked for more. I reminded myself of the need to eat less food for my smaller body, and so sat down to write this very article.

Once published, I’ll have a snack, be with the family, and then lead a Sunday evening bariatric support group.

Timing Tasks

As a sidebar, I’ve recently learnt that setting timers for tasks, and pre-assigning time limits to them (even the fun ones), is invaluable. I often experience anticipatory anxiety and dread, or pure overwhelm, and then procrastinate. Often things feel like they’ll need all day to accomplish, and I can’t be arsed. Even to read a good book or do something in enjoyable. Timers are my latest gem!

I hope that somewhere within this article you find a “overeat recovery toolkit” for yourself, and experiment with it the next time you have the unfortunate need to! Overeats happen to the best of us. As relatively isolated events, they are meaningless, especially when nursed with dollops of grace and self-caring immediately after. It’s the alternative of excessive regret and remorse and self-deprecation that tends to beg for more FOOD to appease it. Let’s not go there!

Here’s the head hunger article, again, if you’d like to have a read - HEAD HUNGER: THE ANSWER