How to take responsibility for our Inner Worlds, so we can stop polluting the planet

Lately, in my Psychology private practice and my life, I’ve been struck by the truth that “who we are BE-ing is infinitely more important than what we are DO-ing”.  It’s a simple principle, but profound. Coaches and gurus the world over, all, in current literature and media, seem to be pointing to this fundamental reality.
That actions / habits and behaviours are really only symptoms of our core essence, and an overflow of this. And thus, we would do well to focus more on “be-ingness” than any other overt behaviour. If we can attend to our essence, the rest will follow. Whereas, similarly, if we resist fundamental change, it will always be an uphill slog to effect the habits, lifestyles, relationships and experiences we seek.

I had a very destructive religious experience as a young adult, and, in all honesty, I feathered the entire known spiritual and religious world, and all its parts, with the same brush. And gravitated, thereafter, towards the concrete, the scientific, the rational and the safe.

Decades later, I’ve become more aware again of spiritual truth, mostly independent of institutionalized religion. And this has been profound, useful and meaningful to me, at this point in my life. I realise now that, some 20 years ago, I probably did throw the baby out with the bathwater, and that somehow defying
and negating a higher power / life force / universe / God etcetera is limiting and somewhat damaging to a human being.

This is pre-able, but it sets the scene. Earlier this year, I had a Big Problem. The kind that sought to erode my confidence, and actually shipwreck so much of the good that I have experienced and created for myself, to date. I felt that I lacked the resources to tackle and overcome this problem. And, as often is the case, I then happened upon an online teacher who works in the energy and manifestation space. Very ‘woo-woo’ and ethereal to me… But I was desperate enough to open my mind and give her a bash. Well, blow-me-down-with-a-feather if, instead of teaching yoga and chanting and ‘abracadabra’, she taught ‘BE-ingness’!

That everything you create and bring forth in your life derives from how well you manage your thoughts and emotions, how deftly you regulate your inner world, and how clearly you can articulate for yourself what exactly it is that you want in life.

So, it’s really robust psychology and self-development dressed up in a feather boa with a shiny aura! I’m grateful for this person, as she was actually exactly what I needed. I would have battled with too much more than this.  Just prior to encountering Elizabeth, I had read Eckhard Tolle’s “The Power of Now”. I’d been struck by his injunction that, if we do not take responsibility for our inner worlds, that we will pollute the planet. At the time, I was somewhat toxic with worry about my newfound problem, and so his pollution metaphor made sense. Especially in the light of my husband’s exasperated statement over Sunday lunch, one week, that “you are poisoning me”. With my anxiety. With my agonizing. With my catastrophising. With my attempt to troubleshoot every angle of my dilemma using him as a conduit for my soliloquy. His assertion, coupled with my reading of Eckhard Tolle, drove home the truth that I have to heal myself, in this regard.

That this problem of mine had triggered me dramatically and created a shitstorm of chaos that no one and nothing external to me could quell. And so, I purchased Elizabeth’s program, and committed myself to ‘the work’, and to allowing her to be my teacher in this next round of self-development.

So that I could manage my inner world and take responsibility for what I was inflicting on those around me.

So that I could be a responsible, mature and robust adult.

In one of her modules, she spoke directly to this idea of ‘be-ing’ ness. That being aware of the person we want to be, and stepping into that version of ourselves, is infinitely more important than reciting off empty affirmations, for example. And so I completed an exercise where I designed the “Debbie” that feels most authentic, most integrous, and best underscores the person I want to BE, both now and in my future.

This was all really sage and ‘in-season’ advice to me… I was ripe and ready for it. I was actually rather desperate for it.
(You know how sometimes a teaching or a book or a concept just falls flat and does nothing for you… But then lights up like a Christmas tree weeks, months or years later..? Well this teaching and this exercise was really in flow for me).

And the part that I want to chat to you about, now, is how “I am” statements, as Elizabeth calls them, actually hold me to account, to BE that person… I started a morning ritual, where I would take as much time as I had available. I light a candle, set intentions for the day, read uplifting texts like Rumi and Tolle, reflect on current situations. And I write out the goals I am working towards manifesting, as well as my “I am” statements.

And then, in alignment with what we know about the power or words, and even neurolinguistic programming, I started to FEEL the power of these words. And how they became a yardstick with which I began to automatically check my behaviour.

So, for example, I wrote that “I am a doting, servant-hearted wife”. And then, one evening, past my bedtime, my husband came in and asked, into the darkness, that I urgently prepare an invoice for him (I
do the admin in his business). I lay very, very still and pretended to be WELL into my slumber. But then I heard my assertion that “I am a doting, servant-hearted wife”. If this is my truth – which I knew it was – I was compelled to rise, sit up, and meet his request! And then, of course, if I chose to BE this better version of myself, in turn he was happier and more contained, and felt edified and valued. Which set up a loop of closeness, gratitude and affection. Rather than the antitheses of these that remaining ‘asleep’ might have fostered, consciously and unconsciously.

I similarly decided that, with respect to The Big Problem I was facing, that as an ‘almost 40 professional woman’, that “I am highly dynamic, robust and competent at navigating life’s challenges with finesse”. That I can weather the storms. That, no matter what the journey between “now” and “relief”, I had the resources to overcome. And so each time the nauseous anxiety rose in my chest, I’d remind myself, in full power, of my truth that I am dynamic, robust and competent”. Something wonderful happened, within 5 or 6 weeks of doing this: not only did my problem dissolve into an entirely favorable outcome, but I learnt to take charge of my inner state. So that I don’t pollute my husband, my kids and the planet!

I know, as well as anyone, how important it is to ‘FEEL’ the advice that you’re receiving, and to step only into teaching and principles that resonate and make sense where you currently are. But if you feel compelled, I highly recommend that you take a few hours and design for yourself a series of “I am” statements, that embody the best version of yourself; the person you both are and aspire to be. And then allow them to take root in your life and guide your choices and responses on the fly.

There is simply no way around the fact that we all have work to do on ourselves… Sometimes more, when triggered and activated. And sometimes less, when skies are blue and seas are calm. But there is always inner work and inner grappling to be done. To manage our state. To feel connected to life. And to own our actions so that we don’t do harm, even inadvertently.