I started tackling my weight-and-eating struggles from a MINDSET perspective about a year prior to my weight loss surgery.

Before that, I’d been a bit of a ‘bright-shiny-new-diet’ chaser, thinking redemption from disordered eating lay in the glossy folder of a Weight Watchers / Sure Slim / Weigh Less / Keto program, etc.

HOW TO NOT EAT YOUR FEELINGS

I am a psychologist, and around that time, I started engaging with the teachings of “Dialectical Behaviour Therapy”. DBT is many things (and is also limited), but what burst into life for me is the idea that tension and emotional distress builds within a person, silently, and then seeks relief. The relief can come in the form of bingeing, overeating and ‘fuck-it’ eating (much as for others this form may take binge-drinking/shopping/gambling/isolating/raging, etc.). The ‘binge’ brings temporary relief, in that it successfully distracts us from our ‘existence pain’ and causes us to focus on different pain – the pain of repetitive struggle, consequence, and renewed dedication to ‘getting it right’ and ‘not doing that again’.

So that’s the DBT piece, which I teach widely in all my bariatric programs.

HOW TO NOT SWALLOW YOUR STINKING THINKING

In recent years, I’ve become equally captivated with thought work. CBT, yes. But more so the way the life coaches teach it; somehow, I find they make-it-make-sense more than purist psychologists of that modality. In short, our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings seek relief in behaviour. To modify behaviour, figure out what you’re feeling, and what you’re thinking about yourself and your relationships, to get there. And here’s the clincher: thoughts aren’t true. They’re just learnt, conditioned free-floaters, and you can actually choose to think whatever you like, in a bid to create smoother passage through life.

I’ve found this quite remarkable, to be frank. Simplistic as it is, and much as I’ve heard it for decades.

As a result, I now regularly (daily?) journal around my human experience. When I happen upon a behaviour or feeling I’m not in love with, I do tend to ask myself, “What was I thinking to get there...?”.  And then, “Is this actually true?”. “Is this thought helpful?”. “Is there a different way I can think about this, that would make me feel more hopeful, empowered and grounded?”.

It's life-changingly profound, once the thought-work bug bites.

I remember attending a conference, where a very dynamic and electric speaker bellowed into her microphone, “Well if we’re all going to make up shit in our heads all day, at least let it be gooood shit!”. This was many years ago, and much as I banked it as something that had appeal, I didn’t specifically grasp it until more recently (and life is indeed like that, planting little seeds that germinate and sprout in a different time and place).

HOW TO BE YOUR BEST ALLY AND MOST ENCOURAGING COACH

AKA: HOW NOT TO HAVE TO ‘START OVER’

Just yesterday, I saw a post on social media that read:

“The best weight loss advice no one is talking about:

DON’T LOSE MOMENTUM!

Sometimes, you’ll have ‘bare minimum’ days or weeks. That’s ok.

No matter what, KEEP TAKING ACTION, however small or insignificant it seems.

DON’T LOSE MOMENTUM.

The point, here, is never to have to begin, again… But to embrace your life and pursuits as a lifestyle, raggedy and tough, at times, but always forward focused, and always seeking out the wins. I teach my BARIATRIC MIND MASTERS this strange concept, that there’s no ‘trying’ in long-term success: there’s just DOING, or NOT DOING. Imperfectly, clumsily, six-steps-forward-and-five-back but embracing of a lifestyle.

I like this idea, because we are currently waist-deep in a seaside holiday at a coastal resort. With buffet breakfasts, buffet dinners, and long, lazy days that make for rampant sluggishness and relinquishing of good habits. I’m doing all the things that go hand-in-hand with a break like this. But I’m also very certain that I don’t want to get home and ‘start again’ or ‘start over’, with any of the good habits that served me in the year prior… That have, through consistency, become part of my identity, more than scrolling social media or eating pancakes for breakfast have.

Yesterday I took two extremely long beach walks, one in the morning, with my daughter, and one later in the day, with my hubby. 20 000 steps. I celebrated that and feel it in my thighs today! (Something about stepping on sand!).

I travelled with my mini trampoline and some downloaded workouts. I’ve jumped a bit. Not a lot. But enough to say I don’t need to ‘get back into it’, on my return.

Despite goodies galore, I’m still prioritising protein and vegetables, and a blood-sugar-stabilising breakfast (so not pancakes).

And I’m journaling, reading, and doing all the things that keep me well in the 52 other weeks of the year.

So that post on social media struck me: tiny steps, but just don’t break your stride… Don’t put yourself in a situation where you must start over… Tighten your belt, YES, Make habits more focused, YES. But, in the spirt of something-being-better-than-nothing, keep moving, keep doing, keep the habits, just loosen the pace.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

So, how about you? What feelings might you be harbouring, that might seek relief by tomorrow, or next week...?

What thoughts could you challenge, and swap out of for better ones, so you feel more comfortable in your life...?

And what little-little actions can you keep doing, today, and then praise yourself for doing, so next week and month don’t feel like a massive overhaul and profound project?

You’re welcome to let me know your answers, via email: info@theshrinkonyourcouch.com or in on my THE SHRINK ON YOUR COUCH Facebook page, or BARIATRIC MIND MASTERS Facebook group.