Not All Eating Is Emotional. Here's the Antidote to Peckish, Nibbly Snacking.
Life Is A Series of Units of Time, Each Consisting of About 30 Minutes…
Have you ever had the experience that a somewhat arbitrary, seemingly unspectacular book or movie – that received rather average ratings – actually resonates deeply with you, rocks your world and changes (at least a part of) your life...? I’d imagine we’ve all been there. Several times, right...?
For me, one such instance was the 2002 movie, “About A Boy”, starring Hugh Grant as the sexy-but-completely-unavailable-and-aloof “Will”. And, to be frank, I couldn’t actually care less about the overarching moral of the story, or the do-gooder-feel-good element, or the restoration of human connection that it depicted. I can take or leave that.
When I think of that movie, I call to mind a concept that “Will” chats his implied audience through, early on in the scene setting. Speaking as a bored, overly-comfortable and wholly unambitious bachelor, Will explains how he conceives of life as a “series of units of time, each unit consisting of about 30 minutes”.
“Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit. Watching TV: one unit. Web-based research: two units. Exercising: 3 units. It’s amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I’d ever have time for a job. How do people cram them in?”.
It’s funny. It’s a little cynical. And, in the 17 years since I first watched this, I’ve simply found that it’s profoundly and completely TRUE.
Units for Bariatric Mind Masters!
And there’s a GEM in there for us weight-afflicted, eating-addicted bariatric patients. Particularly those of us who manage to eat well and ‘on plan’ for 80% of the day.
But who can fall spectacularly off the wagon when the sun sets, the daily grind is ‘ground’, and we relax and let our hair down.
Allow me to explain:
If you know anything about ME, you know that I am a Private Practice Psychologist. That I am a ‘sleever’. That I lost about 100 pounds and maintain my weight within 5 pounds of my goal. And you’ll know that I have an online platform called THE SHRINK ON YOUR COUCH, on which I share my professional and personal experiences with various online audiences – all with a view to making Psychology real for people, in their lives, in their homes.
(And yes, to generate a second income for myself, by using my talents and skills more broadly than in my physical consulting room).
You may know that I have created a transformational 8-week program for bariatric patients called BARIATRIC MIND MASTERS. This program takes students through a journey, at their own pace, at their own leisure – with the focus on understanding and reducing compulsive behaviour, regulating overwhelming emotions, learning really practical tools and skills to draw upon when peckish, craving and a little (or a lot) “off track”.
I think it’s really special, and I’m quite proud of it, in the main.
I digress… But what I’m getting to is this:
My program speaks, in part, to EMOTIONAL eating. To COMFORT eating. To the tendency of compulsive overweight people to use food as a coping mechanism, and as a way to almost literally PUSH DOWN unpleasant feelings.
BUT NOT ALL OVER-EATING / POOR EATING / COMPULSIVE EATING is emotionally-driven. A big chunk of such eating is HEAD HUNGER. HEAD hunger is the product of HABIT. Is the product of BOREDOM. Is the product of social and cultural CONDITIONING. And is the result of a GENUINE ENJOYMENT of specific foods.
I’d inadvertently betray my audience if I was understood to be dealing onlywith ‘heart hunger’. Au contraire! HEAD hunger is often even MORE of a factor. We can often get through weeks and months without being particularly upset or stressed about the content and flow of our lives.
But HABITS! Hard wiring! Cravings! Urges! Pure enjoyment of food!
Goodness, these are DAILY events, and happen on an almost hourly basis.
And you know what I’ve found to be a really effective antidote to such snacky, nibbly, peckish reaching for chips and crisps and nuts and little sweets, chocolates, fruits, etc. [insert your go-tos here]? Apart from the OBVIOUS intervention of not stockingthem, which isn’t always practical (and certainly hasn’t proven practical in my home…) …
The Antidote Is Distraction…
The antidote is filling my snack-desiring evenings with intentional UNITS OF ACTIVITY, as per Will’s formulation in “About a Boy”! Distract with interesting, enjoyable busy-ness!
Tony Robbins, in “Awaken the Giant Within You”, speaks about ‘disrupting the flow of an urge’. He says that, unless we intervene dramatically, there’s an inevitability to acting out behaviour (and I really am paraphrasing and putting my own spin, and my own recollection of the chapter, on this…). But he tells a story of being out at a restaurant, and ordering an unhealthy, greasy meal. As it arrives, he’s struck by the error of his ways, and realises that he will let himself down if he proceeds on the trajectory of what the moment requires. So, he stands up, throws back his chair, and chastises himself, almost comically. He sends the food away, and probably orders a healthier alternative. Caricatured and ridiculous as this all is, the injunction is sound - to DISRUPT THE FLOW OF THE URGE!
He DISRUPTED the urge, and thereby stopped it dead in its tracks. And I am suggesting, in this article, that another less theatrical way of doing this is through PURE DISTRACTION. And I teach distraction tools, at some point, in BARIATRIC MIND MASTERS.
If You Are Anything Like Me…
So, if you are anything like me, you can power through a bariatric day with aplomb! You spring out of bed, get yourself groomed and fit for duty. You prepare and relish a wholesome and healthy breakfast. I am working with my dietician on eradicating snacking entirely, and so I motor through 5 or 6 hours until lunchtime on black coffee, Coke Zero (the scandal!), and water… I then either have a really nutritious ‘smart food’ protein shake, or a balanced and appropriate foodlunch.
Thereafter, things become a little less “Swiss”! The early afternoon goes well… But come the end of the working day… The setting of the sun… The preparation of the evening meal for my family… And it becomes far more difficultnot to snack. On a bad day, I could probably eat slider foods constantlyfrom sunset to bedtime. And I know many of you struggle with this too.
And let’s be honest:
It causes stalls.
It causes weight fluctuations and regain.
It steals our joy.
It steals the sense of MASTERY that comes from overcoming a lifelong struggle.
We berate ourselves. We wonder why we do it… We wonder if we are so careless of our surgeries and our journeys… We wonder if we are just fundamentally self-sabotaging and hell bent on personal destruction.
None of these thoughts are useful.
What is USEFUL is dividing your evening up into units of time and allocating little activities to each. To place the focus on somethingother than food and the desire to snack.
Such distracting activities are idealchoices if you can’t reallydo them while eating. And should also be enjoyable, emotionally or intellectually stimulating engagements. I know we’re all tiredat the end of a tedious, taxing working day. And no one wants to feel, by bedtime, that they’ve had no replenishment at all. So, we’re looking for distracting activities that don’t evoke resentment…
They’re also best implemented at the exact moment that a craving or an urge hits… Just when you are in that ‘window of choice’ where you can go with the flow, and satisfy the desire, or you can go against the grain and heed the call of your Higher Self.
A Few Activities I (often) Choose, In Such Instances:
- A quick – 20 or 30 minute – un-traumatic trot on the treadmill, with thumping, pumping high-energy music.
- I am a perpetual (novice!) student of my foreign husband’s mother-tongue. As much as the ideabores me to death, once I have actually tuned in to a 30-minute language lesson, I loveit, and even love the sense of progress it affords me.
- Even writing this article now, at 8pm on a Saturday evening, is an enjoyable distraction from my kitchen and the ‘nutritional exhale’ that a weekend can signal!
- A long, hot sensory bubble bath, complete with beautiful music and beautiful scents.
Give It Some Thought…
It’s a simple concept, I know. Deceptively simple. So simple that you might never try it… I have found that often it’s the most uncomplicated, common-sensical ideas that have the greatest impact over time. I challenge you, if this resonates at all, to think of a few activities that you enjoy, and that consume you physically, intellectually or emotionally. And experiment with immersing yourself in one or two of these in a bid to stave off HEAD HUNGER urges to snack, nibble and ultimately le yourself down.
If you are keen to know more about my program, click here for an info page (from which you can also purchase, enroll and get started today!).
I do also invite interested parties to book complementary, no-obligation online chats in my diary using this link, if you would like to speak to me directly before proceeding.
If you would like just to be placed on my mailing list, to receive regular articles, such as this one, and to receive updated offers, pop me an email here!
Much love,
Debbie
