I was recently quite intrigued by the notion that business-people should take care to work ON their businesses, and not just IN them.  Working in one’s business involves the daily grind. Performing the tasks and functions that encapsulate the core offering. Ensuring that the cogs of administration, customer relationship management and service provision turn.

Working on one’s business is about sustainability, strategy and risk mitigation. It’s about vision. About diagnosis and treatment. And about foresight and fortitude to constantly be entrenching and securing the foundations.

This distinction, I read, can almost single-handedly engender ultimate success or failure. People who take a step back and work on their businesses are far, far more likely to still be going strong decades into the future than their counterparts who, for a range of reasons, find the alternative unnecessary. Perhaps they don’t find believe that strategy is unnecessary. Perhaps they would love to engage in retreats and breakaways. But they feel themselves to be too busy, too overwhelmed or too anxious to allow for time outof their business, to focus on it.

This was a revelation to be, as a businessperson myself. And I’m definitely often guilty of the more limiting position.

But more than being a businessperson, I am a psychologist…A psychotherapist. And a relationship therapist.  And I saw such important parallels between this concept, and the idea that we should all be working on our relationships, as much as we exist in them.

What does this mean, in real terms?

1. It means, for starters, that we think about our relationships. Not just about the events and incidences that happen on a regular basis. But also about the emergent trends and themes, and what these things mean and may mean on a larger scale.
2. It means that we apply that old-school “SWOT” analysis, from time to time. It’s not a new formulation; you may well have heard of it. But the idea that we run our unions through an analysis of its STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, OPPORTUNITIES, and THREATS. And then we apply our minds to developing and growing the good, accepting and working around the ‘bad’ (for some definition of ‘bad’). That we understand what opportunities exist in the idiosyncracies of our particular relationship… Something like, “because of ……….., we are able to do/avoid/experience ……..”. And them, of course, to purvey the landscape of our mutual lives, and ensure that we are mindful of what threats may exist on our horizon. And then communicate, connect and troubleshoot to mitigate those risks.
3. It means that we consult, whether with literature, media or a mentor or expert. That we submit ourselves to popular and experiential wisdom, to assess what tools and strategies can be gleaned from those perhaps more in the know than ourselves.
4. And it means that we immediately apply the action points that are extensions of the conclusions we’ve reached. This part is crucial. This part is where the magic actually happens. Without it, we may have been better off asleep, playing golf, or working inour relationship!

My husband and I tend, from time to time, to have somewhat spontaneous ‘team talks’, where we find ourselves doing just this… It’s quite a profound, settling and liberating experience. It’s edifying, it’s affirming, and it’s bonding. The afterglow of recalibration, and renewing intention, can be felt for weeks and months. I highly recommend it.

Chat With Me?

I’ve spent the last few weeks inviting interested parties from my online audience to schedule complimentary online sessions with me. The objective is for each person who raises their hand and books to take time out from being in their relationship, and spend some time on it. So these aren’t counselling or therapy sessions. These are clarity and strategy sessions. We work together to understand what the fundamental, overarching issues are. And we brainstorm what vehicles would best deliver the couple in question through their troubles and towards their goals.

For some, the obvious answer is to enroll in the transformational online relationship healing program I have recently created and launched ("RELATIONSHIP REHAB: From Conflict To Connection"). For some, it’s been simply for an objective outsider to validate their views, and perhaps tell them they’re not being oversensitive or ‘crazy’. For others, it’s been the recommendation to read a particular book, or consult an attorney. Whatever the outcome, the process that has been modelled and hopefully ‘caught’ is the stepping back from the relationship, and working on it. Taking a ‘no holds barred’ snapshot of the ‘as is’ position, and frankly discussing what the implications will be if nothing is done… What the costs of ‘nothing’ are… Because, in relationships, as in business, if we just ‘do do do, go go go’, but never pause for reflection or analysis, the risk emerges that there may, in time, be nothing to do, and nowhere to turn.

If you relate, and you’d like to take me up on my offer, I invite you to schedule your time with me by clicking here:  https://meetme.so/DebbieRahimi

You will be routed to an automated scheduling system, where you can select a slot that suits you. You will then be taken to a questionnaire that I do require, to confirm your booking. This questionnaire gets you to think a bit about the state of your relationship, and assess your resolve to repair it.

I look forward to chatting with you!