You may have seen the post by a member in my BARIATRIC MIND MASTERS FACEBOOK GROUP, that reads as follows:
And I quote:
Has anyone else had this happen? If so, how did you handle it?
Over the past hour I have been engaged in an active debate with myself about a profound and deeply embedded habit I have had for 60 years. Whenever I read I snack. It seems I am conditioned to be chewing while reading. In any event today's debate goes something like this:
"Wait, where are the crackers?" ...
"I don't need the crackers"
"But you want the crackers. Your mouth is literally salivating for crackers."
" Yes, why do I want them so badly? ( Stop, observe)
"Because it goes with reading dummy!"
"But I need to break that association "
" OK, but you're still gonna want the crackers"
" Yes, the experience isn't nearly as pleasurable. I can't focus on reading because of it. My mouth wants the damn crackers!"
"So compromise. Have two"
"I had two. Took 20 seconds and of course I want more"
" So what's the solution?"
"Retraining. I don't know if such a deeply embedded experience can be changed, but I owe it to myself to give it an honest try. I will try to read for 15 minutes"
" Without crackers???"
"Yes"
'We'll see about that *snicker*"
" If I still want to eat I'll go color instead. I have no eating associations with coloring."
I thought this was a tremendous instance of self-awareness, mindfulness and attunement, and wanted to firstly highlight that. But then also to offer some insights that the original poster - and you! – may find helpful!
MY RESPONSE:
I have to commend you because THIS IS WONDERFUL AWARENESS.
Many people aren't even TUNED IN to that level to hear those contrasting voices.
Now, by your own admission, you are currently an all-or-nothing thinker, where you are either reading and not snacking at all, or a balls-to-the-wall failure. I’d like to suggest that long term bariatric success isn’t that binary, and there’s a middle ground that can become your superpower.
What about gentle, slow, incremental change towards the ultimate goal of BEING SOMEONE WHO CAN LOVE READING, as always, WITHOUT SNACKING?
I'd hate you to lose one of your favourite pastimes, for the association between the hobby and the food.
But the trick here is that you are CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY, and that's where the power lies.
I’d like you to think about it from an IDENTITY CHANGE perspective – who you are BECOMING, as a focal point, and not whether you’re eating crackers or not.
You aren't 'giving up snacking when reading'; you are BECOMING A PERSON WHO DOES NOT READ AND SNACK.
The thought shift is key, and these are two profoundly different perspectives. The one is being deprived and restricted. The other is growing, actualising, and changing.
For example, I irritate the life out of myself with chips and fries (both). We know they are horribly high calorie in the worst way, and I don't even LOVE them. But they're more-ish by design, and a nibble here and there sends macros out the window and energy intake sky-rocketing. There’s just no upside, and fries, in particular, can be air-fried, and chips can be popcorn!
So I am working on BECOMING A PERSON WHO NEVER EATS CHIPS OR FRIES.
But I ate chips even YESTERDAY.
Literally yesterday.
And, as I did, I said to myself, "You don't do this anymore".
And I am 100% comfortable with this.
It sounds CRAZY to an outsider, or someone uninitiated in thought work. But this is the beginning of real identity change, and I don’t berate myself at ALL for eating them. There are phases to shifting identity – starting with awareness, and experimentation, which my original poster already has. Then there’s a desired outcome, and an IDENTITY goal in mind. An intention. And the rewiring begins, with FULL acknowledgement that it WILL be stop/start, 5 steps forward, 3 steps back. Slow and steady. Neuroscience backs this up, and it’s actually the scientific basis for the efficacy of affirmation and visualisation work; the notion that we can propel ourself into a different way of being, first in our minds, and then rippling that out into reality!
The fastest way to achieve our goals is to focus on a FUTURE SELF who has the habit/outcome we desire, and to BE IN THE ENERGY of that person! I ABSOLUTELY ate LESS chips yesterday than I would have done without my identity goal. LESS, not none. And today I may look away, when they happen to be on offer. I am so comfortable with not getting it right by default. Default is the final stage of change, and I’m not there yet. But I’m better, and I hope you can be soon too!
I hope this little sermon helps. I do want to commend the original poster though, who has done phenomenally well, in the matter of a week, having recommitted in earnest to her bariatric success.
