I saw a Facebook post recently that had gone viral (without an identified author, and my apologies for that).

It told the story of an elderly lady, newly bereft of her husband, waiting in the reception of a retirement facility to be shown to what would become her new home.

The story goes that a nurse greeted her, saying “I do hope you’ll like your room”. 

“Oh, I love it already!”, the lady replied, without even having seen it.

The nurse was confused, and the woman explained her philosophy, that thoughts are powerful. That one gets to decide how to think, and thus how to feel. That what cannot be changed must be accepted, and part of acceptance is embracing what Dr Shefali Tsabury calls the “as-is-ness” of a situation.  “Life on life’s terms”, as the AA recovery mantra goes.

There are obviously caveats, provisos, and exceptions to this. And realities we should rage against. But these are beyond the realm of this article.

I think it’s largely accepted that our ‘selves’ exist on various planes. We have something of an ‘essence’, a ‘true self’, ‘authentic self’ or ‘wise self’. This part wants the best for us and is most available when we’re quite grounded and calm. We then have other parts – ego, our reactive, easily triggered inner child, the critic that hurls abuse from the sidelines.

And our comfortable neurology that simply wants to remain as it is.

This older lady’s inner wisdom embraced that this was her reality, and for it to be most satisfying for her, she’d need to love it by default.

Because she wanted to love it, needed to love it, and thus gave loving it her best shot by deciding that she would love it, irrespective.

Because this would create the best outcome for herself, over being, uncertain, negative, or doubtful.

I’ve started using this concept with my morning exercise regime. I’ve told how, in August 2021, I purchased a mini trampoline, some dumbbells, and some downloadable workouts. 6-9 times per week, ever since, I’ve been committed to using them.  In my dieting and fitness history, I’ve often abandoned efforts after weeks or months, when it becomes boring, hard, or lackluster.  When it becomes less a priority than it is in the very early, highly motivated days. 

On some days, recently, I’ve woken up groggy and unenthused, and a negotiation has begun in the boardroom of my mind around whether training will be a ‘go’ that day.  “You’re tired, you’re overworked, you didn’t sleep well”, says Brain.  “You’re don’t feel like it, you can do it tomorrow, it’s boring and hard”, says the inner child.  “You’re screwing everything up”, says the critic.

“GET UP, YOU LOVE IT, AND WILL LOVE IT”, says Essence.  “You love being an exerciser”.

And that’s been the voice that has resonated the deepest and been the most impactful. Because it’s aligned with what psychologists and life coaches are referring to as “Future Self” or “Wise Mind”; the part that can reason above triggers, traumas, and creature comforts. And mindfully, powerfully, and intentionally decide who and how someone wants to be.

I’ll start bouncing, look myself in the mirror, and repeat, “You love it. You love doing this”. My faculties may refute this and complain. But I’ll persist, “You’ll love it, in an hour, when you’re freshly showered and basking in endorphins. You’ll love it when you know you did what you said you’d do. When you had integrity with yourself. And when you can rest assured that you’re acting in your own best interests; an active participant in extending your life, and the quality of your life”.

Even if it’s a bit boring today.

Even if it feels like a grind today.

You love it.

I do a lot of work in my psychology private practice, and online, with relationships in crisis, and with weight-loss surgery patients. I speak to both about the power of mindset over whim. Whim says, “I’m resentful, and I’m going to drink the poison and hope my partner suffers”.  Whim says, “I have a right to be hurt and offended, and I’m going to mope and sulk and be passive aggressive. Whim says, “Debbie’s taught us these tools and skills for dealing with conflict or compulsive eating, but I’m too triggered now – I’m going to rather swear and throw things, or binge”.  Whim says, “I need to eat my feelings”. Whim says, “It’s too hard, I just can’t today”.

MINDSET decides who we want to be in life, knowing that success is a string of victorious moments, laced together into a life. MINDSET (not willpower) says I’ve made better decisions, and now I get to make good on them. In this argument. In this urge to overeat.

Karen Koenig, in “Words to Eat By”, says “in the moment is when we finalise our decisions on eating, and our bodies”. We can goal-set and meditate until the cows come home. But in the moment of an urge or a craving is when we sign on the dotted line, and opt in, or unsubscribe from the things we really hold dear – good relationships, good choices, and healthy bodies and minds.

So, decide today what you’re going to choose to love. And then love it hard. On purpose. From intention. From the ‘you’ that’s going to regret or celebrate this afternoon, tomorrow, and in 6 months’ time.

I hear the cynics. I’ve been cynical too. What if that Old Duck’s retirement village room was disastrous? What if it was hideous and impossible to love...? How can she make such a decision with no knowledge?

Probably because she knew she had little option, or that this is the best thing for her.

Probably because her higher self knows aesthetics is only one part of the deal. That independence and dignity are also key (or other factors).

And probably because we only apply this process when we want to give something our very best shot. And she wanted to.

I once heard Ann Wilson (“The Wealth Chef”) speak on a similar topic. She said (and I paraphrase), “We’re all telling ourselves stories all day long, anyway. So, if you’re going to make up bullshit that makes you feel a certain way, at least let it be GOOD BULLSHIT!”.

Tongue in cheek? YES!

Valuable advice? Absolutely!

What do you wish to LOVE, today?

What realities would you benefit from mind-setting yourself into...?

I dare you.

It’s not fool-proof, and it’s not for every scenario.

But there are times when MINDSET over WHIM is life-changing, and when setting intentions for who and how you want to be is EVERYTHING.

Go for gold!