I’d had a life-threatening health issue the year before and wanted to be an active participant in extending my life. Also, maintaining weight-loss in the long term, post bariatric surgery, is a relentless challenge. Exercise is naturally an asset in my artillery.

I was lucky enough to discover ‘rebounding’ (strength and cardio training on a mini trampoline), which I fell in love with. I purchased an 8-week beginners’ induction program and progressed from 10-minutes daily, to an hour, 6-7 days per week.

I mostly love it.

Except for the days that I don’t.

Like this morning.

My alarm went off at 3:50am. I sighed, to the core of my being. Groaned. And the two stakeholders within me began a fervent negotiation.

Essence said, “Come on, get up… This is good for you… You’ll feel so proud of yourself later… Just get started and the motivation will follow”. 

Body-and-Brain said, “Urgh, you can skip a day… You can do it tomorrow… You’re so tired… It doesn’t matter”.

But I’ve conditioned myself to believe that it does matter, and so I got up and begrudgingly began my workout, eventually ending it quite strong.

Somewhere along the way, I decided that exercise matters very much.

I’d had an urge to let myself down.

My brain and body wanted something that my essence didn’t want.

In this instance, I was able to override the untamed part that wants comfort and pleasure, in favour of the ME who wants health, fitness, and integrity with myself.

I have other urges, elsewhere in my life, that I don’t make such short work of.

I still get urges to overeat, or to eat my feelings.

I get urges to scroll TikTok for days, rather than fulfil tasks that are important to me.

I get urges to buy things I don’t need, nor even truly want.

I get urges to work myself to death, and to book clients in from sunrise to well past sunset.

I get urges to rage at my husband and kids, rather than to do my own work, and understand why I’m so moody and grumpy, when I am.

Some time back, I heard a podcaster suggest that “the way we do one thing is the way we do everything”.

As a psychologist, I understand what this person was saying, but it’s not always true. In fact, many people excel in certain areas that come easily to them, or that they’re incentivized to commit to. But then berate and frustrate themselves for not getting ahead in other arenas. They even cite the contradiction as particularly upsetting. “I can do x so very well; why can I not win at y?”.

I felt like that when I was very overweight. I knew I was a great therapist, a good-enough wife, a decent friend, and living quite well in general. But I had this immense struggle that I could simply never get a sustainable handle on. I was so in control and on top of so many areas of my life – even facets other people struggle with.

But then so out of control somewhere else.

So, I take a different view to the podcaster:

The way we do one thing is not the way we do everything, but WE CAN LEARN FROM THE ONE THING, and the way we do it! We can be our own teacher, and our own guide!

If we can feel masterful and empowered in one component of our lives, then we know we have the ability, tools, skills, and knowledge to succeed elsewhere.

The trick, I have learnt, is to deliberately apply these competencies elsewhere.  To take what comes easily, or is at least hard-coded, and decide how to hard-code it in the challenging parts.

It occurred to me, while lunging and squatting and bouncing at 4:30am, that the voice of Essence that got me into that state is the same voice I need to amplify when having an urge to overeat, over-spend, over-work, vegetate, or annoy my family.

This is what that voice needs to say:

• You want to overeat / over-spend / over-work / over-rant NOW. It will make you feel better in the short term.
• Will you still want that in an hour? Or tomorrow, or next year?
• If I continue in this exact vein, and yield to the shitty urges, where will that lead, and where will I likely be in 3 months’ time...? 6 months? A year from now...? Am I ok with that?

Pushing oneself isn’t inherently punishment. It’s only punishment if it emanates from self-loathing. If it’s the voice of a wise inner parent, saying, “Come on… You know better… You can do better…”, then a nudge is self-care and self-love.  My 5:30am freshly showered and endorphin-fueled self knows this!

So the way we do one thing is not the way we do everything.

But we do well to consider the parts we WIN at, get curious about that winning formula, and apply it to the more niggly, naggy, tetchy bits!