I am painfully aware that I write and create content from a position of privilege. Some of what I am talking about, like long-term psychotherapy, is inaccessible to many. And I have no ready answers for this. I do what I can, where I can, but from a sociological perspective, I’m as stumped as the next person.

But I want you to know that I know. I’m not ignorant. And I grapple with the truth that my reality is very different to many.

Moreover, even if one has means and access, the mental healthcare system the world over is flooded and inundated, specifically recently due to the ramifications of COVID. I, myself, am booked up to capacity, and I hear stories, both locally and abroad, of 3-month waiting times to enter treatment. I’m told that many psychologists are too busy to even reply to new requests, and bizarre new national health modalities now exist like “instant messaging counselling” due to demand exponentially outweighing supply.

"The Shrink On Your Couch" Platform

It’s largely because of these limits to access and quality care, that I created “The Shrink on Your Couch” platform.

I write for everyone, and I write liberally and freely. So that anyone who wants to, and who resonates with my content, can benefit.

Yes, I sell courses, programs, and webinars. This is my career and how I make my way in the world. But free content abounds. And abounds on purpose.

A New Way To Tackle "Problems" ...

I categorically believe that each person is the captain of their own emotional and mental ship, and responsible for their own growth and learning. And that this growth can happen in psychotherapy or coaching, with a skilled practitioner, for sure. But for those interventions to be effective, they must overflow into the person’s life and lived experience, in all the hours and days that they are not seated before an interventionist of some sort.

And this takes personal responsibility and effort.

So, it is not only possible, but imperative, to do our own work, with or without an actual “shrink”.

How To Do Your Work, With or Without A Therapist or Coach

This work can be as simple as taking a piece of paper and a pen, reading an article, or listening to a video or podcast. And then writing about what that teaching means to you. Where it’s relevant in your life. How you could apply it to yourself. And what action points you could commit to, immediately, to overcome struggle.

My own journey flourished and blossomed when I discovered the enormous power of daily quiet time. Eckhardt Tolle speaks about us “being the watcher beneath our thoughts” … And I find it invaluable to quieten my chaos and anxiety, and gently tune in to that deeper wisdom that we all have access to but few of us know to connect with. To spend some time, daily, observing. Observing myself. My mind. What I’m telling myself.

And in that quiet time, to perform a range of activities depending on current need and sentiment – to meditate, to “brain dump” onto paper all my fears, anxieties, hurts and upset… And then to find lessons in them… To connect with gratitude, and goals. And to read. And, of course, to engage with teachings – podcasts, online courses, articles, vlogs.

And mostly anyone can do this and learn the life-changing benefit of taking charge of one’s own journey, irrespective of whether one has a coach, or a psychologist, or a spiritual teacher.

This idea is enormously exciting to me, and I hope it inspires you too.

Therapy And "The Work" As a Lifestyle Choice

I recall a conversation, nearly 20 years ago, with some (non-psychologist) colleagues, about psychotherapy.  They were intrigued to discover that I was, at the time, a trained but non-practicing psychologist.

I had taken a year off, between qualifying and beginning my private practice, and dabbled in retail banking and project management.

Somebody in the chat – an older man - volunteered that he was in long-term psychotherapy and mused that “therapy is a lifestyle choice”.

I fell in love with that phrase. I have appreciated it more and more, and now, 17 years into practice, I’ve watched so many of my clients benefit from having a witness to their lives.

Benefit from having a safe and consistent place to ponder, struggle and grow.  To sigh, to swear, to chuckle, to sob, and to rage.

To be known, theoretically and personally, and to always be welcomed with consistent warmth and commitment to their highest good. And with gentle, respectful nudging towards themes, trends and how to deal with them effectively.

“Therapy as a lifestyle choice” is a worldview. It’s a way of approaching life and living. It’s a way of thinking about ourselves in relation to other people, to our environments, our traumas, our struggles, irritation and indeed our pasts. There are many ways to feel connected to ourselves and our lives.

One of them that is profound is to be in a long-term therapeutic relationship.

However, in terms of what I’ve said previously about daily quiet time and personal responsibility, I think we can deepen and enrich this concept:  SELF WORK is a lifestyle choice, and psychotherapy can be a magical component of this.

Learning To Live

On the day I married my husband, I walked down the aisle to Bette Midler’s “The Rose”.  The other day, it played whilst I was applying my morning make-up. I heard a line I’d never registered before, my focus previously being elsewhere in the song:

It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

“Learns to live”.  Wow. As though living is something we learn. Or don’t learn.

And, if Bette is to be believed, this happens through courage, bravery, abandonment of future fears and anxieties…

“Learns to live”.

So much of psychotherapy and “the work”, both my own and that of my clients, involves learning to live in different ways, that make us feel more connected to ourselves, our integrity, our authenticity, and our power.

It’s such a privilege to journey with my clients. To celebrate their victories and mourn their sadnesses with them. And to hold space and have their permission to tell it as I see it, to perhaps alleviate their suffering, or loosen up a conviction that doesn’t really serve them.

The argument against such work is often that it creates a dependency. My professional and personal worldview and experience refutes this as nonsense. I’m not suggesting that anyone attend psychotherapy weekly, without fail, until their dying day (much as I have a sense that mostly, only good could come from this).

But I fully embrace the idea that having a neutral, uninvolved, confidential sounding board and mentor, who knows you well, over time, is a very special thing.

And an even more special thing is to internalise this process, and to effectively be one’s own therapist and guide in the hours between.